


Answering to Higher Power

by SunWeaver



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Baby Caduceus Clay, Childhood, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Goodbyes, I'm sorry I didn't grow up much around my own siblings so idk what I'm doing, Temper Tantrums, but I am the baby of the family too so I get to relate there with Cad at least, headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 07:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20272360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunWeaver/pseuds/SunWeaver
Summary: "It can be difficult for others when you answer to a higher power."Caduceus is both too young to understand and old enough to start to learn what it means to say "goodbye" to his family.





	Answering to Higher Power

Colton would come to find that it's pretty difficult to walk around with a toddler clinging to your foot. It was as if she had on one normal leather boot and had on one dense iron boot. At least it was a warm and soft boot rather than a rigid and cold one.

Each lift got more giggles from the makeshift shoe, so she really struggled to shake him off. If anything, she was cherishing these last minutes she would have with her youngest sibling.

“Alright, Caduceus,” She sighed, “Can I have my foot back? I need to lace the backs of my boots.”

He slid down off her foot, finally freeing her enough to kneel down and reach behind to pull the strings taut. As she propped her other knee up to tie the laces, she felt tiny fingers grip at her hair, which she reached back up to catch his hand, “Ah-ah, don’t pull.” If anything, those little grubby fingers made her gather up the loose curls and wavy strands to pull back and tie into a bun, revealing some of the shaved undercut.

Caduceus watched her as she stood back up to her feet, standing massively tall in comparison to him. He reached his arms up to her, hands open and closing, “Up!” his little squeaker demanded.

Not wanting to take this time with him for granted, Colton conceded and reached down to scoop him up, propping him against her hip, “You’ve been such a cute distraction, you know that?” Giving his body a little wiggle, more giggles ensued.

A knock came from the door, and to appear there was the second oldest, Cullen, “Hey, Colton. Ma and Pa got your armor ready.”

Colton smiled and lifted Caduceus off her hip, handing him over to Cullen, “Thank you.” She then reached down, picking up her sack by the door and moved out passed him.

Caduceus watched Colton stride away, and got restless in Cullen’s arms, whining and reaching towards Colton.

“Hey, c’mon, Caduceus. Let’s go pick some flowers! You’ll like that!” Cullen’s attempt to get Caduceus distracted were not so easily founded as Caduceus only got more restless and fought with Cullen’s arms until finally his frustrated little grunts turned to pitiful cries.

With not as much patience of either of their parents, Cullen huffed indignantly and then set Caduceus down onto his feet, “Alright, fine, go after her.”

To which Caduceus took off, arms swinging uncoordinatedly as his little feet led him in the direction that Colton went.  


It was only after making it across half the yard and weaving through several large gravestones that Caduceus was realizing he did not know where Colton went from here. His running slowed until he was standing between two stones and grass that was up to his waist. He looked around from his current spot, and started to worry about his apparent aloneness.

Small little whines came from the child, his large floppy ears, that he had yet to grow into, were dropping lower than usual, and his hands were clenched close to his body.

“...  _ Co’tin! _ ” Caduceus shouted out, “ _ Co’tin?? _ ”

A gust of the warm summer air pushed against Caduceus’s back, making him take a half step forward. Without much rhyme nor reason, he followed the wind’s guidance. As he took cautious steps onward, he called out again, “ _ Co’tin!! _ ”

Big ears meant better hearing, and he could pick up on distant voices, Caduceus took flight again on his feet, following the source to the big stone temple. An intimidatingly large structure that did make Caduceus hesitate to step closer to. At least, until he saw through the doorway his mama.

“Mama!!” Caduceus cleared through the courtyard and ran right up through the open doors of the temple.

Mama’s eyes widened at Caduceus running in and throwing his weight right into her legs. He clung onto the skirt of her dress, looking over to see there Colton with her arm raised as Papa was fastening the ties of the emerald green carapace chest plate.

“Co’tin!” Caduceus was much more happy to see as he fluttered off mama’s leg and hugged Colton’s instead.

Mama looked back outside, trying to see if there was anyone standing outside, but she turned back then to Colton.

“I left him with Cullen.” Colton shifting blame on leaving the baby unsupervised onto her brother.

Papa gave Colton a pat on the back, letting her lower her arm back down. And Mama then scooped up Caduceus, holding him high enough to be level with Colton. As they stood there in the quiet temple, with the songs of birds singing outside to fill the rest of the air, everyone stood around with bated breath to wait for someone to break the silence.

Caduceus was curious as to what was going on, Colton was all dressed up, hair tied back, and looking…  _ Sad _ , “... Co’tin?”

She looked back up to Caduceus, giving a strained smile, “I guess uh… Guess this is goodbye.” Leaning over, a bit stiff from the solid chest plate making her unable to bend over, she picked her sack back up and slung it over her shoulder.

Papa threw his arms around Colton, pulling her into a big warm hug and held her there for a few seconds until letting her go as she walked up to Mama and gave her a hug, Caduceus getting sandwiched between them before giving an indignant whine.

“Gonna miss you, Caduceus.” She cupped his cheek, leaning in to kiss his other cheek, and just before she pulled away from that little frown, she blew a quick raspberry and got joyous giggles out of him as he squirmed more into mama’s arms.

“May the Wild Mother be with you, my dear.” Mama whispered to Colton before she pulled away.

That seemed to be what made Colton’s eyes start to sting, she gave a strained smile, and nodded, “I promise, when I come back, I will have the solution to rid of this blight.” Giving one last look back to her father, he approvingly nodded to her before she walked out through the doorway.

Caduceus giggles subsided, watching then as Colton marched forward. He began to grab out for her again, “ _ Co’tin? _ ”

She gave one look back over her shoulder, eyes watery, lip quivering, she waved to him and then quickly turned and picked up her step.

In mama’s arms, Caduceus once again wriggled and writhed, but mama kept a firmer hold on him so he struggled more and whined sooner. She tried to soothe him by shushing and hugging, but he started to throw a fit and kick his legs.

“ **No!** ” Caduceus stubbornly resisted, “ **Co’tin! I wan’ ** ** _Co’tin!_ ** ”

“She has to go, baby,” Mama cooed, “It’s what the Wild Mother has wanted.”

Caduceus refused to listen, “ **NO! NO NO NO!** ”

The full blown tantrum devolved from shouting out his dissents to then crying and wanting Colton there. No other time had he desperately wanted his biggest sister than right as she was starting to  _ leave _ .

* * *

After heart wrenching goodbyes, everyone had returned back to their normal lives. Resuming with chores, tending to the garden, and by the evening they were gathered together again for dinner. Though the empty space left behind by Colton was hard to ignore, the plate sat there went empty as whoever set the table forgot that they would now have one extra plate that they would not need to put out each night.

The empty chair and plate had Caduceus presume that Colton was coming back, and eagerly he grinned and clapped his hands, “ _ Co’tin! _ ”

There was a mix of reactions amongst the various siblings, but it would be mama who picked up the vacant plate, “No baby, Colton’s still away.” And she took it back to the cupboard, placing the plate back.

“Noo! Mama!” Caduceus whined, “Tha’s Co’tin’s!”

“Colton’s gone, Caduceus.” one of his older sisters, Clarabelle, spoke up.

“ _ No! _ ” Caduceus argued.

“Yes!”

“Clarabelle.” Mama put a finger to her mouth, signifying to quiet down.

“But she is gone!”

“ ** _No!_ ** ” Caduceus then slipped off his chair, trying to go to Mama and point at the plate, “ _ Put back! _ ”

“She’s  **not ** coming back, Caduceus!” Clarabelle seemed more upset at her baby brother’s hardheadedness, hopping off her own seat so as to pull Caduceus back to the table.  


That’s when Caduceus slapped Clarabelle’s hand, and she yelped.

Just as Mama was finally starting to pry the two away from one another, Clarabelle  _ screamed _ back at Caduceus, “ _ SHE’S GONE AND WON’T EVER COME BACK! IDIOT! _ ”

Caduceus quickly shrunk down behind Mama, who knelt down to be level to Clarabelle. She put her hand to Clarabelle’s shoulder, “Go sit outside.” she said firmly.

Clarabelle stormed out of the dining room as the rest of the Clay children sat at the table and remained quiet. Mama then turned to Caduceus, who looked guiltily up at mama, “Caduceus,” While still firm, there was a maternal warmth behind it, “Hitting someone is rude and mean. We don’t do that to our friends and family.” She then lifted him from under his arms, bringing him to his chair and sitting him down in it, “You kids go on and serve yourselves. I’ll be right back with Clarabelle.”

Mama walked out of the room, to which all of Caduceus’s siblings waited for her to close the door before they all scrambled out of their seats and gravitated right over to the door. Caduceus looked confused, that wasn’t what Mama said to do… But he wasn’t about to be a big ol’ tattle tale on top of already doing a hit. So he hopped down and toddled over to them as they huddled up by the door to listen through the gaps in the wood.

“ _ -is young, you need to be more patient with him. _ ” Mama’s voice carried through, “ _ He will learn, so you don’t have to raise your voice up at him. _ ”

“ _ But he’s so annoying! _ ” Clarabelle argued, “ _ He was going to just throw another tantrum! _ ”

“And if he did, he would eventually calm down.” Mama sat down beside Clarabelle, who was poutily crossing her arms and scowling at the ground, “... Now why did you say that, Clara?  _ ‘She won’t ever come back’ _ ?”

Clarabelle crossed her arms tighter, “Cause she won’t!”

“Why do you think that?” Mama continued to calmly question.

“She’s going far, far away!” Clarabelle kicked at the dirt, “She said it herself! She won’t be back for a long time!”

“Well, last I checked, ‘ _ a long time _ ’ is nowhere near as long as ‘ _ never ever _ ’.”

“How do you know??”

“Because I’ve lived for ‘ _ a long time _ ’ and haven’t yet seen the end of ‘ _ never _ ’.” Mama chuckled jovially.

Clarabelle huffed, she seemed to now go out of her way to be in a bad mood, “Hm! I don’t want her to come back!”

“Oh Clarabelle-”

“No! I  **hate** her!  _ I’m glad she’s gone  _ ** _forever_ ** _ ! _ ”

Clarabelle kicked up more dirt and dropped down to her knees, ripping at the blades of grass getting so worked up she rolled onto her back and kicked her feet, “ **I hate her! I hate her I hate her I HATE her!** ”

All while throwing this tantrum herself, her mother sat there and watched, eventually turning away to stare up at the sky, the shades of night starting to edge along the vibrant reds and pinks, and even the faintest twinkling stars peeked through the darkening blue.

After enough grunting and huffing and tearing up at the ground, Clarabelle was huffing and panting, anger totally taking the energy out of her. When she would look back to Mama, and then see her looking at the sky.

Mama would look back down to Clarabelle and ask, “Do you  _ really _ hate your older sister?”

After a couple seconds, Clarabelle seemed to be too worn out to keep fighting, “...  _ no _ …”

“Hm… Do you think that… You’re  _ mad _ at her because you  _ miss _ her?”

A pause, “... maybe…”  _ sniffle _ .

Clarabelle climbed then into mama’s lap, who then gave her a hug back, “It’s okay, Clara, I miss her too.” She rubbed up and down her daughter’s back, “Truly, I too want to kick and scream about it… But this isn’t a decision I get to make. This is something special for Colton. This is something between her and the Wild Mother.”

“The Wild Mother’s stupid.” Clarabelle huffed.

“You’re still upset, Clarabelle.” Mama gently patted her back, “The Wild Mother is very wise, wiser than you, me, even Papa.  _ Especially _ wiser than Papa.” She earned just the smallest, one noted chuckle from Clarabelle, “The Wild Mother asks of us many things, and as her followers, we follow where she leads us. Sometimes we may not like what she asks of us, or asks of loved ones to do, and that’s  _ okay. _ ”

Mama rubbed Clarabelle’s cheeks of the tear tracks down her face, “We’re complex mortal beings and we have feelings. It’s okay to have feelings, and it’s okay if when you start to have these feelings that you need to step away to handle them. What we must not do with those feelings is lash out and hurt others that we care about.” Her hand settles on Clarabelle’s back, “If you need to talk about missing your sister, you can always come talk to me, Papa, or Aunt Corrin. Okay?”

A small nod came from Clarabelle.

“Good. Now. Are you ready to go back and have dinner with your siblings--”

The gaggle of children by the door quickly clamored away and hurried to the table, grabbing their plates and serving themselves as well as one another the cooled down dinner off the stove and tried to resemble some form of “no we did not eavesdrop at all”. Even Cullen helped to lift Caduceus back into his seat as they sat down together right when the door opened and Clarabelle came sulking in, rubbing her puffy red eyes and sniffling.

“Caduceus.” Mama got his attention, “There’s something I think you should say to your sister.”

After hearing that long conversation between Mama and Clarabelle, Caduceus was actually a bit confused to what she meant, glancing to Clarabelle and then back up to Mama.

“... Remember what I told you?”

Ah, it clicked, and Caduceus slipped out of his chair. He toddled up to Clarabelle and threw his arms around her, “m’sowwy…”

No hard feelings were left, as Clarabelle hugged Caduceus back, “I’m sorry too.”

Mama smiled proudly, helping Caduceus back into his seat and picking up Clarabelle’s plate and her own to serve them both helpings of vegetables, “... Hm?” She noticed as she picked up the buns that they were all still sitting there, “... Was no one interested in the rolls?”

There was a pause before then Cullen hopped down, “I want one!” Then one of his sisters followed, “Yeah, me too!”

Mama shrugged it off easily, pulling the basket of still warm and fresh dinner rolls closer to the edge of the counter for the younger ones’ reaches.

Caduceus was saddened to realize Colton was going to be gone for a long time… Yet, mama said that “a long time” was much shorter than “never ever”, so hopefully, once he got to live “a long time”, he would get to see Colton again.


End file.
